How To Build Healthy Relationships That Are Happy and Distraction Free

Forget prestige and corner offices, forget gentle parenting—the real power of effective leaders and parents is their behavior. It’s no secret that our behavior influences those around us. It gives us the power to make a difference—to influence the behavior of others and shape environments.

I got this message from Shane Parrish: “Oh I meant to tell you… I remember something you told me that I now share with everyone. It’s made a difference for so many.” The “something” he’s referring to is a simple question that my wife and I have posed to each other throughout our 22-year marriage. We’ve been using this method for so long, I assumed it was common practice. Here’s the gist: Whenever you have a disagreement with someone you care about and who cares about you, pose this straightforward question…

Now, more than ever, we have to be smart with our money. Yet navigating our personal finances and adhering to a budget can be a daunting task. However, there’s a free and fun technique that anyone can use to get back on track with their finances: getting a money buddy.

You don’t have to agree on everything, but you do have to be aligned. Divorce sucks. My friend is going through one right now. The worst part is that he saw it coming. And he’s not the first of my friends to tell me they ignored the warning signs of an eventual breakup. Although there isn’t a surefire way to predict which relationships will last, there are some guidelines anyone entering or in a committed relationship should be aware of. They involve having honest discussions to make sure you’re seeing eye to eye with your partner about hot-button issues.

When it comes to friendships, quality matters more than quantity. Thirty-six percent of Americans say they are “seriously lonely.” For many people, the solution may seem to be to go out and get more friends. Yet one study shows that when it comes to friendships, less is more. But how do you decide which friendships to invest in and which to let go of?

Are we ever exclusively in our friends’ company? Our phones are almost assuredly present and ready to interrupt us with a poorly timed notification. Who hasn’t seen a friend divert their attention, mid-conversation, to reflexively check their phone? Most of us simply accept these interruptions as a consequence of our times. But there’s something you can do about it.

Every night, my wife and I engaged in the same routine: She put our daughter to bed, brushed her teeth, and freshened up. We both slipped under the covers, exchanged knowing glances, and started doing what comes naturally to a couple in bed: we began to lovingly caress our gadgets — she fondled her cell phone, while I tenderly stroked the screen of my iPad. Ooh, it felt so good!

It’s that time of year when kids have a long break from school and parents and guardians likely have some time off work. What will we do with all that free time?

Whatever your view of tech’s impact on our children, here are three common sense rules we can all follow.Nir's Note: This article is a collaboration between Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist at New York University’s Stern School of Business, and me. He researches...

Here’s what the Covid-19 lockdowns have revealed about teen depression.What do bicycles and social media have in common? Soon after being adopted, each of these technologies brought on a tsunami of unjustified moral panic. Let’s start with bikes. When bicycles burst...

Ximena Vengoechea says we need to “Reclaim the Lost Art of True Connection.” Ximena (pronounced “hee-men-ah“) is a writer and illustrator best known for her Life Audit project. Her work has appeared in Fast Company, Inc., The Washington Post, The Muse, and Newsweek....

Society’s fear of technology destroying our children's future has reached a fever pitch and many parents have resorted to extreme measures.  A quick search on YouTube reveals thousands of videos of parents storming into their kids’ rooms, unplugging the computers or...

Nir's Note: This interview with my good friends Vanessa Van Edwards first appeared on her blog, Science of People. She did such a great job summarizing our interview that I wanted to share it with my readers as well. Check out Vanessa's site and let me know what you...

Due to the coronavirus outbreak, some 850 million children are suddenly learning at home instead of in traditional classrooms. My family has had practice homeschooling for the past five years, so I thought it would be helpful to share some tips and tactics to help get...

We have to help our children manage screen time — not outlaw itOur fears about what technology and smartphones are doing to our kids has reached a fever pitch. Articles with headlines like “Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?” and “The Risk Of Teen Depression And...

How the difference between traction and distraction could transform your productivityI know how distractions work from the inside. For over a decade, I’ve helped tech companies build products to keep you clicking. In fact, I wrote the book about it in 2014: Hooked:...

As parents, we all want to raise kids who are smart and focused, especially in a world where digital distraction seems to be inescapable. (Even tech titans like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates have strategies for limiting their children’s screen time.) Why? Because in the...

It feels impossible to tell if the technology our kids use should be celebrated or feared. A few years ago I wrote a book, Hooked, about how technology can be used to change our habits. I intended the book to teach startups how to build healthy habits, but now I’m not...

Forget prestige and corner offices, forget gentle parenting—the real power of effective leaders and parents is their behavior. It’s no secret that our behavior influences those around us. It gives us the power to make a difference—to influence the behavior of others and shape environments.

I got this message from Shane Parrish: “Oh I meant to tell you… I remember something you told me that I now share with everyone. It’s made a difference for so many.” The “something” he’s referring to is a simple question that my wife and I have posed to each other throughout our 22-year marriage. We’ve been using this method for so long, I assumed it was common practice. Here’s the gist: Whenever you have a disagreement with someone you care about and who cares about you, pose this straightforward question…

Now, more than ever, we have to be smart with our money. Yet navigating our personal finances and adhering to a budget can be a daunting task. However, there’s a free and fun technique that anyone can use to get back on track with their finances: getting a money buddy.

You don’t have to agree on everything, but you do have to be aligned. Divorce sucks. My friend is going through one right now. The worst part is that he saw it coming. And he’s not the first of my friends to tell me they ignored the warning signs of an eventual breakup. Although there isn’t a surefire way to predict which relationships will last, there are some guidelines anyone entering or in a committed relationship should be aware of. They involve having honest discussions to make sure you’re seeing eye to eye with your partner about hot-button issues.

When it comes to friendships, quality matters more than quantity. Thirty-six percent of Americans say they are “seriously lonely.” For many people, the solution may seem to be to go out and get more friends. Yet one study shows that when it comes to friendships, less is more. But how do you decide which friendships to invest in and which to let go of?

Are we ever exclusively in our friends’ company? Our phones are almost assuredly present and ready to interrupt us with a poorly timed notification. Who hasn’t seen a friend divert their attention, mid-conversation, to reflexively check their phone? Most of us simply accept these interruptions as a consequence of our times. But there’s something you can do about it.

Every night, my wife and I engaged in the same routine: She put our daughter to bed, brushed her teeth, and freshened up. We both slipped under the covers, exchanged knowing glances, and started doing what comes naturally to a couple in bed: we began to lovingly caress our gadgets — she fondled her cell phone, while I tenderly stroked the screen of my iPad. Ooh, it felt so good!

It’s that time of year when kids have a long break from school and parents and guardians likely have some time off work. What will we do with all that free time?

Whatever your view of tech’s impact on our children, here are three common sense rules we can all follow.Nir's Note: This article is a collaboration between Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist at New York University’s Stern School of Business, and me. He researches...

Here’s what the Covid-19 lockdowns have revealed about teen depression.What do bicycles and social media have in common? Soon after being adopted, each of these technologies brought on a tsunami of unjustified moral panic. Let’s start with bikes. When bicycles burst...

Ximena Vengoechea says we need to “Reclaim the Lost Art of True Connection.” Ximena (pronounced “hee-men-ah“) is a writer and illustrator best known for her Life Audit project. Her work has appeared in Fast Company, Inc., The Washington Post, The Muse, and Newsweek....

Society’s fear of technology destroying our children's future has reached a fever pitch and many parents have resorted to extreme measures.  A quick search on YouTube reveals thousands of videos of parents storming into their kids’ rooms, unplugging the computers or...

Nir's Note: This interview with my good friends Vanessa Van Edwards first appeared on her blog, Science of People. She did such a great job summarizing our interview that I wanted to share it with my readers as well. Check out Vanessa's site and let me know what you...

Due to the coronavirus outbreak, some 850 million children are suddenly learning at home instead of in traditional classrooms. My family has had practice homeschooling for the past five years, so I thought it would be helpful to share some tips and tactics to help get...

We have to help our children manage screen time — not outlaw itOur fears about what technology and smartphones are doing to our kids has reached a fever pitch. Articles with headlines like “Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?” and “The Risk Of Teen Depression And...

How the difference between traction and distraction could transform your productivityI know how distractions work from the inside. For over a decade, I’ve helped tech companies build products to keep you clicking. In fact, I wrote the book about it in 2014: Hooked:...

As parents, we all want to raise kids who are smart and focused, especially in a world where digital distraction seems to be inescapable. (Even tech titans like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates have strategies for limiting their children’s screen time.) Why? Because in the...

It feels impossible to tell if the technology our kids use should be celebrated or feared. A few years ago I wrote a book, Hooked, about how technology can be used to change our habits. I intended the book to teach startups how to build healthy habits, but now I’m not...